I no longer believe that some people are just naturally happy, and some people are not.
Of course, I don't deny that it's entirely possible that we have individual differences that are built into us from before
– or even from when we were being formed in the mother's womb. As I've said, happiness and the range of good feelings associated with it, are the effects of movements of chemicals within us, and no one knows how much these are predetermined by heredity or our environment.
Just the same, I've seen enough people change from feeling bad to feeling good, to know that emotional dispositions are not set in stone. Happiness is a skill that can be learned, and we can become masterful at conducting our flow of chemicals just as a conductor conducts an orchestra.
Let's not focus on what we can't do, but on what we can. Who knows how much we can improve our emotional management? I believe we can become almost 100 per cent effective at conducting our emotional symphony. So let's leave behind any notion that we are genetically programmed to be as miserable as cousin Cyril. Let's assume (for the sake of our own growth) that heredity has nothing to do with how we feel.
Two important concepts
This is a short chapter, because it contains just one simple concept. OK, I lied. It contains two. Or more. But I won't pad it out to make it a certain length. I believe each chapter should be just as long as it needs to be.
The precept of this chapter, Precept 8: Take feelings off the shelf, is easy to grasp, and easy to practise. It can be one of your most powerful tools if you have chosen to feel better, think better and act better
– dramatically, easily and quickly.
Have you fully internalised our earlier concept from Chapter 3, that each feeling is absolutely and totally within your body? If not, I hope you'll
re-read that important part of this manual.
Please note two important concepts at this stage:
1) If all your feelings are in your body, and there is only one of you, then every cubic inch of good feeling that you can generate reduces the space of bad feelings in your body;
2) If there are only 24 hours in the day, then every minute of good feeling that you can generate reduces the time that bad feelings can be in your body.
Have you ever thought of it in those terms before? It can really change the way you approach emotional management. So now, here's a trick for generating those good feelings. It relies on the fact that our brains associate words with feelings, and vice versa.
One of the basic tools of feeling good is being able to choose at will the feelings that we want. If you become good at this simple skill, you are almost home and hosed.
To the gym, via the supermarket
(This is not an ad, just an example.
OK, maybe not a good example!)
If you can get a good handle on these concepts, you can begin to stuff yourself full of good feelings. Did you know that you can choose them off the shelf? Not many people realise this, but they can do it.
The trick is to imagine that inside your body is a mixed river of feelings (which is true), and that you will put the feelings of your choice inside that river (or space, or however you wish to visualise your 'interior landscape'
– it's up to you).
Did you also know that you can take those feelings off the shelf? The great news is that you and I can just do that. The trick is to imagine yourself inside a huge supermarket of great feelings, with an infinite number of shelves just waiting for you to take whatever feeling you want and keep it.
To do this, we need to increase our vocabulary of feelgood words. You have to write down hundreds of these words and let them become your new vocabulary. With practice, you will find that you can become proficient at hundreds of these feelings. Every single one of them is a little muscle that gets stronger with use. Imagine how it would feel to have hundreds of these little feelings all like strong muscles! So, let's go to the gym
– via the supermarket.
What you have to do is take a word off the shelf, and feel each word as you do it. Here are a few examples:
content; satiated; eager; keen; secure; energetic; optimistic; blissed out; informed; empowered; integrated; whole; complete; gracious; acceptance; loved; loving; soothed; softened; cuddly; cute; youthful; curious; inquiring; coy; innocent; pure; credited; joyful; acknowledged; comfort; love; joy; enthusiasm; passion; compassion; sweetness; power; strength; kindliness; peace; serenity; sexy; awe; wonder; adoration; sacredness; divinity; humour; giggle; belly-laugh; I'll show them!; pride; I'm a winner; look ma, no hands; grateful; considerate; confidence; assured; saintliness; conquering hero; nurturer; nurtured; beloved of nations; mellow; ecstasy; bliss; can do; will do; exultation; no longer a procrastinator; favourite poem; favourite movie/music/song; sunset; sunbaking; bizarro; wacky; wise; patient; likeable; trustworthy; good; brave; fortunate; providential; felicitous; fitting; just; proper; suitable; effective; effectual; efficacious; efficient; cogent; great; seasonable; well-timed; correct; nice; right; carefree; free-minded; insouciant; lighthearted; lightsome; casual; easy; easygoing; blithe; careless; cheerful; summery; lackadaisical; debonair; nonchalant; unconcerned; keee-yool; devil-may-care; reckless; warm; serene; comfortable; energised; radiant; footloose; special; magnificent; reckless abandon; zany; madcap; freewheelin'; feel like singing; no one can stop me; mother's love; vindicated; groovy and a smoothy; pets; children; love; babies; puppy; kitten; baby mice; birds singing; agreeable; awed; beautiful; blissful; bold; brave; bright; brilliant; buoyant; calm; capable; carefree; caring; captivated; energetic; enthusiastic; melodious; sexy; grateful; nurtured; peaceful; confident; fortunate; fulfilled; free; secure; hot; crazy; beautiful; lively; satisfied; desirable; fearless; warm; comfortable; nice; energized; passionate; sweet; playful; lustful; erotic; excited; determined; light; strong and great as hell!
You get the idea, don't you? Try one of these words now. Feel it. Breathe into it. Visualise it. If you can't remember it from your own experience, see if you can dredge it up from some TV show, or someone you've seen exhibiting the feeling you've chosen.
There is an expression, "Fake it till you make it". You might choose a feeling word, but it seems hard. I repeat, copy (in your body) the way it looks when someone else feels that word. Maybe a movie actor does that feeling well. Copy it, steal it, plagiarise it! There's no law against that. There's no copyright on happiness or bliss. You will make it your own. It's just that your muscle is weak. Work on that feeling that you have named, and over coming days watch how it grows, like a muscle that you exercise.
Did you know that the average human body can become very fit in just three months of exercise? The same is true of emotions. In three months we can grow incredibly by practising a range of desired emotions. It's just that very few people know. Be the first on your block!
Homework
We're about halfway through the manual, and in coming weeks there will be some more of my crazy ideas that really work. I hope they will increase your feelings of wellbeing, and I believe that if you seriously practise, they will. Daily practice is best (as with muscles), so I suggest a daily routine.
I haven't set homework before, but this week I request that you
re-read as much of the manual as possible (at least the last few chapters), and write down 50 feelgood words that will form the basis of your new vocabulary. It's worth spending at least an hour on, so switch off the TV and have a go!
And start 'going into' those words, replacing old feelbad words with the words that make you feel good. Remember, if you add one cubic inch and 30 seconds of good feelings to your body in a day, that's how much space and time is reduced for bad feelings to reside in your body. If you commit to increasing that amount of time and space, before long the good will outweigh the bad, and you are well on the way to feeling great almost all the time. It works for me, and I keep improving every week.
See? I told you this chapter was short and easy. It's the homework that will take the time!
Abundance and gratitude,
Pip
The
FeelGood Manual is now
available as a printed book
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