Lack of faith in ourselves is bred into us, no matter how or where we are raised.
I grew up in Australia, a Western culture not all that different from European and American societies. I had a very good childhood, and a good education. Perhaps my upbringing was not all that different from yours.
Here's how we mostly grow up in the West. We learn to place our trust in:
Men, if we are female;
Women; if we are male;
The government and the State;
Celebrities and politicians;
Our elders;
A Supreme Being;
People who have a more acceptable skin colour than us;
People who are bigger and stronger than us;
People who are smarter than us;
People who are sexier or better looking than us;
People who are more popular than us;
People who are more confident than us;
People who are better educated than us;
People who have power over us, like police, bosses, teachers;
People who seem more spiritual or enlightened than us;
People who are richer than us; etc, etc.
Do any of these ring a bell? Think on it a while.
Now, there are various social theories to explain all this, and this is not the place for sociology, anthropology or politics – nor religion, for that matter. (Your spiritual beliefs are your own business, and I will only touch on spiritual things briefly. I declare now that I don't believe in gods and goddesses, but that's my own business. Such private matters as religion shouldn't affect this feelgood program.)
Regardless of where you have put your trust in the past, what I would ask you to do in the next few minutes while you are on this page, is to consider how important it is for you to have faith in you – to trust yourself. For that is what we'll need to get a handle on before moving onto the next part of this manual.
This doesn't mean we shouldn't trust others, for that would be isolating and pathetic. Sometimes it is wholly appropriate to trust police, parents, friends, and if you trust in God, you're not being asked to stop.
However, if we don't have a strong faith in our own ability to think, and to keep thinking better and better, we can't be truly happy. If we don't practise self-trust on a daily basis, life will seem a foreign territory to be endured.
Note that I said 'practise', I didn't say 'perfect'. That was Precept Number One in this manual, remember? Progress, not perfection is what we will be determined to achieve.
What do you feel when ...?
When we stop to consider how we feel when we are at our worst, those occasions on which we feel lousy and like a motherless child, isn't it then that we want someone to take care of us?
What do you feel when you are at a function and you notice a super-celebrity in the room? Do you feel as though you don't measure up? Perhaps you'd feel nervous when that celebrity spoke to you.
If your boss chewed you out for a mistake you'd made, what feelings would that invoke?
What feelings take place in your body when you're on a date with someone who you think is more attractive or intelligent than you, or more experienced in relationships?
We should ask ourselves questions like these – 'feeling' questions – because when we learn to feel those feelings, we all can see that we have been taught some lies from childhood on. We've been taught, even by people who love us and care for us, that in subtle ways, we are less than certain other people.
Before we get into the real 'meat' of this manual, I have to make what I think is an important statement, and it's this:
Before we can become truly happy, we need to believe that we are of equal value to anyone in the world, and we need thoroughly and radically to eradicate any vestige of belief that we are less than others, or less worthy of happiness than others.
The big shots
Think about it. A top-ranked sportsman, worth many millions of dollars, turns out to be a liar and a cheat. A famous sex symbol dies by her own hand. 'The most powerful man in the world' is exposed before six billion people with his 'pants down' and too cowardly to tell the whole truth. One of the most successful musicians in the world blows his brains out with a shotgun. Einstein and Marx were pathetic in relationships. Gandhi treated his wife poorly and was resented by his adult children. Joan Crawford and Bing Crosby were despised by theirs. The Chief of Police gets caught taking bribes. John Lennon runs out on Yoko and shacks up with his secretary.
Not that all our idols have feet of clay. And this is not to say that we should not have heroes, nor emulate what they do. In fact, it's important that we do, and that we choose our heroes wisely -- those remarkable people who contribute to helping the world rise above its problems. Any heroes or heroines of lesser calibre are unworthy of our adulation. I recommend that you increase the number of your heroes, and make them the best there is.
The lesson we must learn is that all human beings, like you and I, have both strengths and weaknesses, assets and defects. Some have defects that stand out a mile, yet they still 'succeed', while some people are like saints and they live in poverty, obscurity and misery.
Many of the big shots in the world have pushed their way to 'the top' through arrogance and heartlessness as much as talent. No, not all, but a lot. While some of our heroes are fine people, just as many are enjoying the power they have over others. Or simply enjoying the riches we lavish upon them for their talents.
The point I'm making, is not that we should become obsessed with what so-and-so has, or what so-and-so does. The point to emphasise here is that you and I do not have to be cowed by celebrity or power. If we believe in our hearts that we have it in us to be remarkable people, we will not be trampled on. Conversely, if we are able to stand up proudly as human beings of worth and not be put down, we will grow in the knowledge that we can do remarkable things.
Are you too fat or too thin? Too old or too young? Too dumb or too complex? Too long-sighted or too short-sighted? You are none of these things. You and I both have to grow out of such beliefs, because they limit our capabilities, and cause us bad feelings every day of our lives.
This childish stuff can fill our heads and prevent our feeling good in our bodies, which is where we store our emotions. Eradicating them will remove a large proportion of your pain, which we feel in our bodies. When we challenge such beliefs, thoughts and feelings and consign them to the rubbish bin, we are in the right frame of mind to move onto the next things I want to share with you. If you find that eradicating these ingrained ideas is hard, our following chapters will reveal some simple techniques you can use to change thoughts and feelings. However, you can discover your own methods as well, because you have great potential, and a great capacity for self-healing. (More on your mind's self-healing powers in a later chapter.)
First of all: take pride in yourself, and trust yourself! You can do it. If I can, anyone can.
Abundance and gratitude,
Pip
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Progress, not perfection!
© Copyright, Pip Wilson, 2002-now
Happiness is not for sale.
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