"Happiness comes when your work and words are of benefit to yourself and others."
So said the
Buddha, one of the world's most revered teachers. Other teachers, such as Jesus, have left us with similar conditions that must be met for happiness to occur. Of course, some might say that being of benefit to others has nothing whatever to do with happiness
– perhaps Daniel Boone was right in saying that happiness is having "a good gun, a good horse and a good wife". So ... what have other people to do with our happiness?
There are probably as many ideas on the meaning of happiness as there are people who have lived on this earth. I know the feeling of happiness, and know that I can reproduce it. I also believe that I know many ways in which I can assure my happiness
– and I have been sharing some of them with you as well as I know how. For that's what this small manual is, and nothing else: a brief description of what I do to feel good and be happy.
Some may try to be prescriptive about the conditions that must be met in order for happiness to occur. I can't do that, because I do not know enough
– about you, about the Universe, nor about anything much at all.
However (and you knew I'd get to the point 
), there are some things that I take as axiomatic. That is, I take them as a given, and rarely, if ever, question them. These kinds of beliefs are often the hardest to communicate, let alone justify. The particular axiom
– something that I believe but can't prove – that very often comes to mind when I consider happiness is that one of the driving forces of my own unhappiness stems from self-centredness. I only know what hell is because I've been there, and I know that thinking about myself all the time burns me up!
Don't ask me to prove it
It seems to me that this axiom, is one of a number a priori beliefs that are the mainspring of human understanding and happiness. Another is that there is a spiritual dimension to the Universe. Other a priori beliefs are that we are all connected to each other, that murder and lying are wrong, and so on. They are common to most religions and spiritual teachings. They are enshrined in one way or another in the laws and cultural practices of human beings in every nation and tribe. They're like the cream that rises in the milk, and they are the quiet certainties that remain when all the arguing philosophers and ethicists have gone home. We can't prove these principles
– but we know them. Am I not correct in saying that when individuals or communities deny or forget such simple certitudes, then troubles begin?
Like the Christian who says, "Lord, I believe, forgive thou my unbelief", I hasten to add that I (who am not a Christian but a fellow-traveller) am painfully aware of my own inadequacy to write on such subjects. Or rather, I make no claims of being in a position to teach
– so it's a relief to know that from the outset I have promised not to teach, but to share (and those who know me wouldn't let me get away with pretending otherwise 
). I can only share with you my own experience, and I have come to believe that self-centredness is very often at the core of unhappiness for me.
So what if I'm self-obsessed?
Why, then is unselfishness so important to happiness? Is it because of some universal law such as the Hindu concept of karma, or the Christian belief that we reap what we sow? Is it simply because we are herd animals and we need some kind of social control? Is it because of some other principle that we have never even considered? I must make a disclaimer here and now: my spiritual faith is not about what I surmise, but what I know. I don't try to understand anything after I have come to believe that it's a mystery, unless persuasive evidence is presented to me, or else I would go mad searching for truth. Also, because mysteries are mysteries, which is probably why they're called that. For me, just as the self is not something to be searched for but something to be made, truth is something to be found and not sought. I know that some see it differently. That's cool.
The great Russian writer,
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, wrote, in Peace and Violence:
"It is not because the truth is too difficult to see, that we make mistakes ... we make mistakes because the easiest and most comfortable course for us is to seek insight where it accords with our emotions
– especially selfish ones."
I like this quotation because what it says to me is that selfishness is integral to distortions both in my emotions and my perception of truth. It also tells me that selfishness leads to a dull consciousness, and that selfishness is akin to laziness. It takes effort to care about others, after all.
Enough of that line of argument, or else I'll bore you rigid with the way I see things, and often I understand very little of value. The manual is not a spiritual treatise. However, I had to give that background and brief explication.
It's natural to think
about ourselves
–
all humans do it.
It's a matter of degree
The solution is simple
When my thoughts are all about me, my life is diminished. Moreover, my troubles are increased. What a trap this is, since some programming deep within
– so profoundly etched into my sketch – would have me believe that I am the centre of the Universe, which will not function properly without me. Crrrrrap!!
It's another illusion, isn't it, like those we covered in our Chapter 3? And, as we say in Australia, I don't think I'm Robinson Crusoe
– I'm not the only one. Bloody hope not! (We think you talk funny too.)
It's human nature, unfortunately, for us to think about ourselves the most. We can rise to greater things, however, because we all have an enormous capacity for empathy, compassion, love, altruism
– and a million other virtues without which humanity would have destroyed itself long ago.
When I am in my thoughts, I am self-absorbed, and this is natural enough. However, if I don't pro-actively and energetically keep stretching the bubble of my self-absorption to allow others in more and more, I will suffocate. I'll drown in my own toxins. That's when natural self-concern becomes self-obsession and, to use a good old word, selfishness. I will suffer, and others will suffer. And the suffering of others will harm me in numerous ways: by their revenge; by their abandonment of me; by my feelings of guilt, or by the hardening of my heart. We've got enough problems with damn hardening of the arteries
– we don't want a hard heart as well. I feel better when my soul is tender, warm and loving. So the prophets might be saying just that: we feel better when we are less selfish.
The way out of the trap of the self-obsession that makes us feel rotten is, thankfully, ridiculously simple. I'm pleased that it's so, because I really don't want to write another paragraph, any more than you want to read one. Here goes:
Do as much for others as you can possibly stand, each day of your life. You'll feel better real soon.
Abundance and gratitude,
Pip
The
FeelGood Manual is now
available as a printed book
Next |  |
Comment on the Manual 
See what others have to say
