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If you have set yourself on fire, walk, do not run. | If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. No whistle, or bald? Simple: yell for help. | If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder. | If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. |
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Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off you! | The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.
| Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run away.
| Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it. |
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| Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.
| If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
| This is why the President is not well -- it's not because he's a dry drunk or drinks too much aspartame.
| Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile. |
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| After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
| If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. | If you have an old-fashioned ghetto blaster, be ashamed or run away.
| If your lungs and stomach start talking, stretch out your arms until the talking ceases.
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If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
| If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, stopping to look for it could be dangerous. | Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is mounted on the hood.
| A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. |
