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Not so many years ago, I had the'good fortune' to be employed as a sub-editor for a great metropolitan magazine company ...

By Pip Wilson

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When it really started to lose money, my workload increased from 11 magazines each day to 14. The multi-millionaire owner apparently couldn't read, but liked pictures. The general manager had a computer on his desk, but didn't know how to turn it on, so it sat there the whole time. I wrote in a note to the boss that morale was low, largely because of getting tired of obeying a memo that editors must not talk unless about a work matter, and then only briefly. When I told some sub-editors and editors that I would suggest that the firm have a suggestion box, I was encouraged to do so, but at the meeting, they all'went to water' and all told the owner everything was fine. Below, samples of writings by editors, mostly by one, who became a sub on one of Sydney's biggest, best-known, and oldest papers. Such is the life of a journalist under Stupid White Men. 

 Some my favourite'bad' English by some editors

With the roof down it really is easy to loose part sense of responsibility, induces youthfullness and in part generates a borderline recklessness remisinscent of youthfull years.

Paul even confirmed the 200SX as the fastest car yet to immerge from the BD4's stable - including their own 400HP (at the wheels) MR2 turbo known as 1OFF.

... such as every single tool and piece of car-related aparatis imagineable

Having a past (redundant) history of building great cars is always ...

In High Performance Imports No. 6 we showed you the first stage of modifications to our Starlet project car. At that time we had gotten the quarter mile times down to 14.10 on our G-Tech

Whoever designed the gameplay of Driver deserves to go straight to the head of the class, as it is one of the most unique and brilliant driving games ...

This of course was not just any driver, but the revered 'Denzo the Great', or 'Great Denzo' as he is known by his deciples.

Formerly a'90 Corolla SE, Anthony Sarbello from Haberfield in Sydney is half way to transforming it into a 20V GTi.

Once the fibre-glass has dried. Start trimming the baffle speaker baffle panel down until it sits in the desired position.

... For those of you who don't know what Karglass (or Fibrefill) is. It's a body filler (bog) type product ...

Walla! (Voila!) Instant kick panels.

The Toyota Camry has never really been a favourite car of mine. Big, slab sided and rarely endowed with anything even remotely resembling power, I can understand why ...

... but its (it's) his latest ride which (that) is by-and-far (by far) the most interesting.

Paul has taken this traditionally neglected area and carpeted almost every square inch in soft'nero' carpet and looks like a black hole one a bright sunny day.

The rest, they say, is history and a decisive one at that.

The enclosures feature a slopping front and rounded back ...

... By having the enclosures constructed locally right here in Australia ...

... Much to the distain (disdain) of the United Federation of Bass Heads ...

Anyhow, with this as my parting editorial I thought I'd reminis a little ...

The proof is in the pudding (in the eating) ...

... in late 1996 Ben Ellis (then managing editor, now publisher) threw together a small title called 'Sounding Hot'.

Living every day to the full after two 'near-death' illnesses in the last decade he lives every day to the full ...

To be honest, Carl has exactly make easy (hasn't exactly made it easy) for himself throughout his seven year (seven-year) relationship with this particular car. He originally picked it up in a "badly faded and hail damaged (hail-damaged) condition", with all intents and purpose (intentions) of tidying it up and using it as daily driver. For a couple of years everything went to according plan until one fatefully (fateful) day ...

... Craig Parker and myself (I) took a short trip down to see our buddy Tsen Yee at Strathfield's Parramatta branch. Tsen is Parramatta's workshop manager as well as an old friend of both Craig and myself (me). Anyway, Craig and myself (I) barged into Tsen's nice clean workshop ...

...  Tony spread tyre and smoke from whoa to go (go to whoa) during the burnout comp ...

Once you've successfully completed the exams you are awarded a certified certificate ...

Low (lo) and behold ...

Auditioning all our feature cars would be a great idea and we'd love to do it if we had both the time, money and manpower

I'd hadn't have been (I hadn't been) through the Summer Nats 12 gates for any more than five seconds ...

With a firm criteria (criterion) the Fairfield team set-out (set out) to create a killer system.

Andrew says, "Horsewise, you don't need to bring your best horse, but ...”

It was no doubt her evolvement (involvement) with Chris Chadwick, Aussie/International showjumper, who curved her riding towards showjumping and it was with Danny (,) a small thoroughbred hack who (that) was a little hot in the showring (,) that started her showjumping.

As history has proven all too many times in the past ...

The Walkinshaw Commodore is revered amongst enthusiasts for both (redundant) it's (its) performance, functionality and styling.

As for the interior, well, Chris's past (redundant) experiences has (have) led to valuable and hard earned (hard-earned) lessons.

Our Canberran sharp shooter Julius went to check out the 1998 ACT All Holden and came away with more than what he bargained for.

... Clarion have gone for a more simpler layout ...

... The practical design and performance potential that Volkswagen inadvertently provided in the design of the humble Bug, giving (gave) rise to the potential for numerous variations on a theme.

Appreciably, (meaning what?) the basic tenet common to literally every kit car ever dreamt up has been to craft something exotic, from the everyday ...

Until the horse starts to mentally think about what it is being asked, nothing will change.

... the family has lived there for about a year. A small family, Aaron has a twenty year old brother, and horses have always been apart of their life.

Back in 1991, the likely hood of finding an unmodified example was fairly high ...

But in all fairness, there are not many guys that do only own car that they need to get to work, take out the missus in, pick up the groceries and then expect to be able to take to the drags and run good stout numbers consistently.

The criteria was ...

Upon first initial listening ...

Mark Dalaqua, a friend of Tony's, is responsible for the firewall modification and the registration of the vehicle, who was lucky enough to get the car registered before the rules changed drastically.

50 Years Of Holden, by Terry Bebbington, is a new book which ambitiously hopes to capture the entire Holden range in all of its entirety ...

As the clique goes: It's not what you know, it's who you know!

Both these parts are cast from an aluminium alloy which is a mixture of aluminium and other metals and elements ... the alloy is melted at a precisely controlled temperature in a furnace and then poured into moulds that have the interior shape of the exterior of the part.

Pernille Hogg is style personified. Her petite perfection has been described by many as that of an equisite porcelean doll. Yet this petite, elegant woman has none of the fragile qualities of a porcelean doll. Pernille Hogg has lived in Harkaway Victoria for ten years originally from Denmark. She has always been involved with horses from a child as are her family, she married an Australian, moved to Harkaway and has never looked back, (except for a couple trips a year to Denmark). Pernille and her husband, a very successful showjumper in his day, and their two girls live on a stunning 12 acre property, Wandeen Farm, about 50 minutes from Werribee.

Catago Pernille has been the sole distributor for Catago clothing for about two years and has made a resounding success of it.Catago is of Danish Design of the highest quality materials. The emphasis of the clothing being functional, practical design that looks fabulous, and coordinates well. All the breeches and jodphurs are made from the very famous high quality Swiss Schoeller fabric that is a microfibre stretch with cotton. There are no syntheics or nylons which allow durability while still breathing. The exquisite supple leather vests are an oilskin leather, in fitted, very flattering designs. The jackets are designed for riding with drawn in waists and removable sleeves, of a silky feeling microfibre. Catago designs for men and women and all the clothing are earthy colours that all coordinate well together. ...

The Vane is also the choice for mechanics who have failing eyesight with large red digits that are highly visible unless in direct sunlight when they tend to get a bit hard to see.

This is the home of the world-famous Vortech superchargers and fuel system components that have become world famous due to their legendary performance.

And when it comes to forcing more grunt from the stock engine it pays to be conservertive unless you like the sound of things going bang.

I can assure you that all the fishing entertained within these pages requires the most redumentary of fishing skills with simple equipment, in most case the same as or fore‑fathers used 50 years ago, simple rationale and at the end of the day good fishing and a great fumes with your friends and families.

... Coming from a family of showjumpers, he competed for many years until he realised there was not enough time to be a course designer and a showjumper.

“In the late '70s, I quit riding. When I started course designing, I realized it was very difficult to be a rider and a course designer,” he said. ...

Although marlin fishing can be great fun, unless you are fishing in areas where they are prolific, they can be few and far between.

The engine was quiet touchy and the gearboxes were very quite ...

Despite Australia's relatively small population, we are one of the greatest consumers of magazines and periodicals per capita on the face of the planet ... (Size of population is irrelevant to a per capita figure)

The two spoke steering is not dished "dished" for safety as on many US cars, blinkers ion the steering column, the dash has the instruments grouped on a raised panel in front of the driver, a handsome chrome radio grille in the centre and a locking glovebox on the left, self supporting boot and bonnet lid, door operating interior lights and "a particularly good idea this - projecting weather guards along the forward edge of the front-door windows" (Modern Motor August 1956).

Leave crayfish and other native fauna and flora alone as the echo systems (ecosystems) in these areas are fragile and it doesn't take long before whole populations are descrated (decimated) by each person removing just one.

 In 1968 Allan completed a month long Outward Bound camp and climbed and camped all over the Blue Mountains country, west of Sydney, and the beautiful Shoalhaven river country to the north (south). So by the time he was called up for national service in 1969, the bush, and more importantly the jungle, had no fears at all for this raw recruit.

By the same token, taking too little, or not enough of the right thing will certainly find you getting into trouble down the track ...

... sufficiently different enough ...

A sting from the tentacles of the Box Jellyfish is usually fatal causing death if not treated straight away

Buying new boots? If you do, don't forget to wear them in before you go and apply liberal coats of leather dressing to spots that might rub.

(Ambiguity: insert comma after 'go')

The most often-heard gripe about an existing kitchen, whatever the size, is that it hasn't enough storage space or the storage space is inadequate.

The 627,445 ha. Karijini (formerly Hamersley Ranges) National Park area is not merely ancient ‑ it is prehistoric.

Today was a test pattern experimenting with the Humminbird NS10 to obtain through the history plotter and sounder to check different points around the reef.

The rug is extremely light weight. It was tested on a 16.3hh thoroughbred, and was as light as a feather to throw up onto. (Spewin'!)

With a bullet-proof bottom end constructed, Michael had several options ...

The art of gold recovery was rudimentary, albeit, not very efficient ...

... enough to reward the car and owner with a membership into their exhaulted'elite' Top 80 group

The staccato burst of conversation from my new-found Vietnamese friend would have been hard enough to follow even had it have been (had it been) in English ...

... One thing that we were quite disappointed to discover was that we could have visited at least two gemfields around Hanoi had we have organised (had we organised) our trip better

Having a raging forest fire pass over your vehicle while you are on a bush track or highway can be (is!) a terrifying ordeal.

... Well, you should of seen it, three prospectors made a bee-line for the spot and there ...

As a definition goes, it is a good one and describes what many of us would like to own, irregardless (regardless) of size.

What can be said about the body that hasn't been said before (?). Not much. It's (its) design is timeless, its (it's) strong, its big, its very comfortable inside and very well equipped.

For example, a horse falls in - instantly, if not before the rider's inside leg clamps shut ...

The ventilation is relatively good for being thousands of miles in the air.  (???)

The first Riding Pony stallion to be imported to Australia was a son of Bwlch Zephyr, whom many believe was the best son out of Valentino, by Helen Clift of Gunnedah, NSW. (By Helen Clift out of Valentino? Was she the sire?)

The Cyclone can apply a set amount of brakes much faster than your pushing the trigger forward for brakes and could easily lead to more consistent lap times. Being that, you may apply more or less brakes using the trigger, on a particular corner ...

I found the book informative and yet interesting.

The shearers and contractors are paid by the sheep.

Malapropisms

' ... the excitement is palatable ...'

During his years of competitive go-kart racing, Nick garnished (garnered) a need for speed ...

Appropriate wheel sizing and styling, we deducted (deduced), was extremely important

... capable of handing out a viscous (vicious) mauling to anything that dares challenge.

Its stance was dropped closer to terra firmer (firma)

... while the triple speaker arrangement behind the seats is comprised of (comprises, or is composed of) two JBL 6x9s and a ten-inch Rockford Fosgate sub.

The fiesty (sic) VK had bush fires coming from the rear-end (sic) by the end of the night but, to the surprise of many, was delegated (relegated) to second place in the Muscle Car category behind ...

Paint aside, the finish of the moment is undoubtably (undoubtedly) shiny chrome ...

Many of the drum tracks got my jeans flapping and the revision (rear-vision) mirror shaking.

This diversity of plant species formed an intricate (intrinsic) part of the horses (horse's) diet.

... "what are your prerequisites and criterion (criteria) for featuring a car?"

A big monster tacho keeps a tab on the rpm and is located right in the centre of the dash and is complimented (complemented) by two smaller oil pressure and water temperature gauges ...

If you're not a quarter mile aficionado consider that a quarter mile time of 13.9 will literally (figuratively?) blow the doors off the fastest HSV Commodore and deep into Porsche and Ferrari performance territory !

... my suggestion of a disclaimer exemplifying (exempting) the track from any legal recourse should the ET Barrier be broken by a competitor was quickly implemented ...

The petrol-engined Golfs were gradually fazed (phased) out during 1980, leaving the solitary GLD to plug away for another two years.

... others are after something that is designed to handle the riggers (rigours) of tough off-road conditions ...

Don't pull on their mouth at the same time. Don't overdue (overdo) it.

Even when the results weren't on the board, the supporters seemed unwavering; even when victory seemed completely illusive (elusive).

The overall design, though, seems to be a logical extension of the above-mentioned ex-WGR kit and incorporates many of the same styling cues, including the discrete (discreet) driving lights.

To finish it all off a set of 6x10 Mamba magnesium wheels were sourced but the centre caps proved a bit illusive (elusive).

Drop the ever-helpful crew at Roman Auto Tek a line on (02) 9743 6822 for all your seating kneads (needs).

It's undeniably HDT Magnum/Aero in design, although the owner has added selective HSV detailing which includes the tailgate's recessed number plate mounting, the ever-popular sail-plane and discrete (discreet) badging.

The original carbie-fed 304 was delegated (relegated) to the shed for safe-keeping

No speed hump gouges or remainence (remains or remnants) of roadkill.

A very grateful and relieved Kevin Micallef finally received his new heart throb an exhaustive (exhausting) 8 months after the saga began.

But then he came the 'piste (piece de) resistance', rather than deleting the roof, why not bring the doors closer to the roof?

The Holden V6 Supercharged badges are the only inclination (intimation) of what is concealed with-in (within) the confine of this transformed Commodore ute.

Without further adieu (ado) we launched the Faststrike

Air flow meters and general wiring layout have improved out of site (sight).

Enamours (enormous) pressure is exerted on both the rod tip, the line, and every knot you've tied.

Nothing wrong with that, the perspective  (prospective) owner just didn't want to have to build it

Pre-trip preparation is of the utmost impotence (importance).

Nestled in the Sydney suburb of Homebush, Melinda and John's home is testament (testimony) to the ...

... Next time you wander down the local wharf, observe the kids fishing. The excitement is palatable (palpable).

While some got the powerful V5H motor, all were still decidedly plaid (staid) and boring looking vehicles.

... Whaist (whilst) transversing (traversing) the rough stuff the ride was a bit on the hard side and I'd contribute (attribute) this to two factors

If ever you see a killer looking (killer-looking) Commodore, I'll bet that much of it's (its) appeal is directly contributed (attributed) to a killer set of rollers under the guards ... We've decided to put together a Monster Wheel Buyers Guide, comprised of (comprising) the coolest ranges and ... The Artec R caters for you Commodore guys who want mucho sized (macho-sized?) rims for your street cruiser ... Their modular design allowing (allows) widths from 8-inches (8 inches) up to 10-inches (10 inches). Getting the or (?) 18x10s to fit may require some minor body work, but if your (you're) serious (,) check them out ... Just to wet (whet) your appetite ... The CSA catalogue is adored (adorned) with "proudly made in Australia", and so they should be (CSA should be proud) ... Just to wet (whet) your appetite are the E-Tune, V-10 and Reverb, and the later (latter) should definitely be a big hit amongst Commodore fans ... Prices for these beauties varies (vary) from $599 ... Manufactured (Manufacturing) in Australia's City of Churches, Adelaide, Performance Wheels offer a range ...

For added security, this stereo has been designed with a detachable face which can be removed when not on board (when you are not on board), presenting would be (would-be) thief's (thieves) with a blank panel.

The fillet knives come in two lengths and two blade thickness's (thicknesses).

Cod this size are hard to beat in the eating steaks (stakes).

In racing, we saw the full gauntlet (gamut) of classes going ever harder, ever quicker and ever faster.

When transporting your horse, safety is of the upmost (utmost) importance.

Has there ever been a car made in Australia so revered as the Falcon GT? I think not. Has there ever been a car that has spurned (spawned) so many clones, so many pretenders?

Without putting too finer (fine a) point on it ...

The ability to understand a horses (horse's) individual needs and past (redundant) history makes Heath the most sought out (sought-out) type ...

Macaw (Macau - a macaw is a parrot from South America), a Portuguese providence (province) about 40 km from Hong Kong ...

... The Carrozzeria Ghia of Turin Italy built Karmann Ghia certainly meets this criteria (criterion) ...

Peter has a pretty strong reputation, so Chris decided to accept the old clique (cliché)'if you can't beat'em join'em'

One way to harness this water was to build dams across our rivers. In theory it was a good idea; it has elevated (alleviated) the water shortage for many growth centres ...

Alloy boats are extremely tough, lightweight and durable, requiring virtually no maintenance whatsoever if trailered, and if left permanently moored require only occasional anti-fouling. Like fibreglass boats they do have an Achilles tendon (heel), which is electrolysis.

Hanging participles, ambiguity, etc ...

 ' ... Breathing through a pair of Kadron carbies, Jim hasn't neglected detailing the engine bay...'

... Being the single example in captivity, obviously Australia was not ...

... Sporting one of the most attractive GRP bodies to ever grace a Volkswagen floor pan, Puma Brazil started by ...

... Breathing through a pair of Kadron carbies, Jim hasn't neglected detailing the engine bay...

... Sporting bright yellow paintwork highlighted by fine elements of chrome trim, the quality of Jim's workmanship combines...

Being a regular show vehicle as part of the IASCA sound-off scene has meant Geoff hasn't neglected the outside of his CRX.

Not the kind of guy to rush into things, all decisions regarding the audio system were made after long periods of discussion.

Weighing in at 480kg and sporting a set of 15x7.5-inch Cheviots, Neil says that the inspectors at the local motor registry were duly impressed and passed the trailer with flying colours first time out.

Once sitting comfortably in the boot of my car, I ran the XB120 through the gauntlet of my usual reference material.

However once dismantled, Nick's father began egging him on to turn the Escort into something grander than mere transportation.

In October 1997, after spending time "sitting in the garage more than it was used", Roger decided to give it another going over ...

Before being fitted to the car Sam ran the engine in on his engine dyno ...

Designed specifically for estuary and flat-water use manufacturers are coming out of the woodwork with their own versions.

Now a professionally-finished dual cab, Alan took the Toyota home ...

Looking as if the paint just dried, Tony tells us ...

Weighing in at a hefty three tonnes fully laden, the'Cruiser's standard diesel motor was really ...

Tailoring your vehicle to your realistic needs will make going off-road an even more rewarding experience and get you to where the big ones are biting in safety and style.

Originally a traditional single‑fronted plan with the hallway running down one side, the back of the house has been widened and opened up.

Walking in the door my eyes were drawn to the maps hanging on the front counter.

Being a demo car, Chris naturally wanted to display Rockford's top of the range componentry ...

... Although set up and designed primarily with the customer in mind, Chris drives his Laser nearly every day ...

Purchased back in '93 for a mere $350, Jeremy, with the help of his mum, dad and a ...

Approaching the gate, the small timber cottage with its prim verandah ...

After eight years behind the wheels of fair dinkum 4WDs, the Subaru's road manners were something of a shock ...

A keen drag racer, Robert's vehicle had to be able to cut it on the drag strip, and that's a serious ask when you're talking about a 4WD.

Upon taking up early retirement, the ever present "gold fever" suddenly emerged as a stronger force

WHOOPS!

To say that Peter Brock has warmth, character and charisma would have to be the understatement of the century. That whole'nice guy' image which is portrayed on television is (not) some PR bullshit folks ...

Riding imitation western saddles, they jerked in their horses' mouths.

Scanner gremlins

... the extra ground clearance and cliff (diff) lock have made the difference between a hair-raising adventure and negotiating those near perpendicular climbs ...

 

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