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Cornish Tinners' and Seafarers' Day
Or Paul Pitcher Day

On the eve of St Paul's day, an old labor day, celebrating the new season of sailing and mining in Cornwall, England. Cornish tin miners traditionally set up a pitcher in a public place and threw stones at it to destroy it.

A replacement pitcher was then bought and filled with beer, which was replenished throughout the day as they drank from it.

The miners were great inventors of reasons to celebrate, this one being a rebellion against the rule that only water was to be drunk during work time.

Was Jesus a tin man too?

Old Cornish tradition has it that Jesus Christ went to Cornwall with his uncle, St Joseph of Arimathea (feast day March 17). There is even an old local song that says "Joseph was a tin man". Legend has it that at Glastonbury, which was also known as Avalon (resting place of King Arthur), Joseph stuck his staff in the ground, and from it sprung the famous 'Glastonbury Thorn' tree which always flowered on Christmas Day.

Cornwall has long been a centre of tin mining, known even to ancient Phoenician traders who travelled from the Mediterranean to Britain for the tin they sold in North Africa, the Middle East and other areas of their influence. It is not impossible that the ancient Cornish tradition about Jesus and his uncle might be true. We know from the Bible that Joseph was a wealthy man (he provided the tomb that Jesus was buried in), and he could quite feasibly have travelled to the British Isles.

For more on Joseph of Arimathea, see January 5, March 17, April 22, May 19, May 25 and June 20 in the Book of Days.

The great English Romantic poet William Blake wrote, in the hymn 'Jerusalem':

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the Holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark satanic mills?

Feast day of St Francis de Sales
(Flowering fern [Royal fern], Osmunda regalis*, is today's plant, dedicated to this saint.)

St Francis de Sales (August 21, 1567 - December 28, 1622), seventeenth-century bishop of Geneva and Roman Catholic saint, is the patron saint of journalists; perhaps he was semi-literate, or simply drank too much.

In 1877, Pope Pius IX proclaimed him a doctor of the Universal Church. In 1923, Pope Pius XI proclaimed him a patron of writers and journalists. His patronage also includes authors; Catholic press; diocese of Columbus, Ohio; confessors; deaf people; deafness; diocese of Wilmington, Delaware, USA; educators; teachers and writers.

* Osmunda regalis belongs to the oxymoronically named flowering fern family, so called because the densely-clustered sporangia resemble flowers. It is said by some to be one of the most handsome European ferns, hence the name. It is widely distributed in Europe, Asia and North America. The 'Royal Fern' is also known as the 'Queen Flower'.

According to Slavic mythology, the sporangia – called 'Perun's flowers' – have assorted magical powers, such as giving their holders the ability to defeat demons, fulfil wishes, unlock secrets, and understand the language of trees. However, collecting the sporangia is a difficult and frightening process. In earlier traditions, they had to be be collected on Kupala night; later, after the arrival of Christianity, the date is changed to Easter eve. Either way, the person wanting to collect Perun's flowers must stand within a circle drawn around the plant and withstand the taunting or threats of demons.   Source: Wikipedia

Feast day of St Anicet Hryciuk

Feast day of St Artemius of Clermont

Feast day of St Babylas, bishop of Antioch

Feast day of St Daniel Karmasz

Feast day of St Epolonius

Feast day of St Felician of Foligno

Feast day of St Guasacht

Feast day of St Ignacy Franczuk

Feast day of St Julian Sabas the Elder

Feast day of St Macedonius Kritophagos of Syria

Feast day of St Projectus

Feast day of Our Lady of Peace

Our Lady of Peace or Queen of Peace is a title of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the Roman Catholic Church. She is represented in art holding a dove and an olive branch, symbols of peace. Her official memorial feast is celebrated on January 24 each year in Hawaii and some churches in the United States. Elsewhere, the memorial feast is celebrated on July 9.

Feast day of Our Lady of Tears

Feast day of St Suranus of Sora, abbot in Umbria, martyr

Feast day of St Thyrsus

Feast day of St Urban

Feast day of St Xenia the Merciful

Click for Eastern Orthodox liturgical days    Shop saints

Unification of Provinces (1859), Romania

Alacitus Fair, Bolivia
Festival of Eq'Eq'o (Ekeko), a plump, smiling god of prosperity, celebrated by the Aymara Indians, in and around La Paz, Bolivia. Tiny replicas of all the things desired are hung on household statues of the god.

Shiwasu Matsuri, Mikado Jinja, Nango, Miyazaki Prefecture, Japan (Jan 20 - Feb 20)

Jim Ross Day, Oklahoma, USA

76 CE Roman emperor Hadrian (Publius Aelius Traianus Hadrianus), born in Italica, Spain (d. July 10, 138). Publius Aelius Traianus Hadrianus, known as Hadrian in English, was a Roman emperor from 117 - 138. He is considered one of the so-called Five Good Emperors.

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1670 William Congreve, English playwright (The Old Bachelor; The Way of the World) and poet

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1712 King Frederick II of Prussia (d. August 17, 1786).

Frederick the Great of Prussia

Frederick II (of Prussia), called 'The Great', king of Prussia (1740 - '86); during his reign, he was considered among the most notable of enlightened despots in 18th-Century Europe.

Frederick was born in Berlin, son of King Frederick William I and grandson of Frederick I.

His father was an extremely harsh, even cruel, disciplinarian to young Frederick, whom he hated for being artistically rather than martially inclined, such that the boy's mother, Sophia Dorothea, Princess of Hanover, tried to send the boy away secretly to England, to his maternal uncle George II. The King discovered the plan and threw the boy and his companion into a dungeon. King Frederick proposed to execute the prince, but the boy was saved by the intercession of the Emperor of Austria, Charles VI. Neither would the court officials try the boy.

The king was so incensed that he sent the boy to be confined in a fortress cell in Custrin. After a year, the king called him back. After ascending the throne, the young Frederick matured into one of the great generals of history, enlarging Germany by more than half.

He was a small, lean man, who wore a beaten up old military hat instead of a crown, and was known affectionately by his subjects as Vater Fritz (Father Fred). He used a walking stick cut from the woods.

A meeting with Johann Sebastian Bach in 1747 led to Bach writing The Musical Offering. Frederick also befriended Voltaire.

Frederick the Great and the spider

When he was at Sans-Souci, a spider fell into his cup of hot chocolate. He called for a fresh one and then heard a gunshot.

1749 Charles James Fox (d. September 13, 1806), British statesman who opposed war with Napoleon. One of his mistresses was Mary Robinson ('Perdita').

1776 ETA Hoffmann (d. 1822), poet, composer, and painter

1862 Edith Wharton (d. August 11, 1937) American novelist, short story writer, and designer, born into a wealthy New York family believed by some to be associated with the phrase 'Keeping up with the Joneses'.

Wharton was friend and confidante to many gifted contemporary intellectuals: Henry James, Sinclair Lewis, Jean Cocteau, and Ernest Hemingway were all guests of hers at one time or another. When F Scott Fitzgerald met her in France, he embarrassed himself by telling her a long story of how he and his wife Zelda Fitzgerald had spent a night in a bordello, thinking it was a hotel.

Wharton was 43 when her first novel, The House of Mirth, was published, after which she published more than 40 books. Her best-known work, The Age of Innocence (1920), won the 1921 Pulitzer Prize.

Other late starters and late achievers, in the Scriptorium    More

1872 Ethel Turner, English-born Australian author (Seven Little Australians)

1884 Field Marshal Sir Thomas Blamey, GBE, KCB, CMG, DSO (d. May 27, 1951), Australian General of World War II, and to date, Australia's only Field Marshal

1910 Granny D (formerly Granny Haddock), born Ethel Doris Haddock,  American politician and progressive political activist from the state of New Hampshire. Haddock famously walked across the continental United States in 1999 to advocate campaign finance reform and in 2004 ran unsuccessfully as a Democratic challenger to incumbent Republican Judd Gregg for the US Senate. She is noted for her colourful character and advanced age.

Haddock requested an official name change to "Granny D," which was the name her family began calling her in 1972. On August 19, 2004, Haddock's request was officially granted by Judge John Maher during a hearing at the Cheshire Country Probate Court.

Granny D was born in Laconia. She attended Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts for three years before marrying James Haddock (nicknamed Jim). Though Haddock never graduated from Emerson, she was awarded an honorary degree in 2000 (she was awarded another honorary degree by Franklin Pierce College on October 21, 2002). After marrying, Granny D started a family and worked during the Great Depression; she was employed in a shoe factory in Manchester for 20 years.

In 1960, Granny D began her political career when she and her husband successfully campaigned against planned hydrogen bomb nuclear testing in Alaska, saving an Inuit fishing village at Point Hope. Granny D and her husband retired to Dublin, New Hampshire, in 1972. There Granny D served on the Planning Board and was active in the community. Her husband later developed Alzheimer's disease, dying after a ten-year struggle.

After the first efforts of Senators John McCain and Russ Feingold to regulate campaign finances through eliminating soft money failed in 1995, Granny D became increasingly interested in campaign finance reform and spearheaded a petition movement. On January 1, 1999, at the age of 89, Granny D left the Rose Bowl parade in Pasadena, California, in an attempt to walk across the USA to raise awareness of and attract support for campaign finance reform.

Granny D walked ten miles each day for 14 months, traversing California, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, and the District of Columbia, making many speeches along the way. The trek attracted a great deal of attention in the mass media. When Granny D arrived in Washington, DC, she was 90 years old, had travelled about 3,200 miles, and was greeted in the capital by a crowd of 2,200 people. Several dozen members of Congress walked the final miles with her during the final day's walk from Arlington National Cemetery to the Capitol building on the National Mall.

Two books were written by Granny D, both co-authored with Dennis Burke.

Granny D was the Democratic candidate for a U.S. Senate seat in New Hampshire during the 2004 election. She was one of the oldest major-party candidates to ever run for the U.S. Senate and lost to incumbent Republican Judd Gregg, capturing 34 percent of the vote to Gregg's 66 percent.

Granny D has 12 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren.

Source: Wikipedia

"Born Doris Rollins: Jan. 24, 1910 in Laconia, New Hampshire USA. In 1998 she decided to walk across the U.S. to demonstrate her concern for the issue of campaign reform.

"She walked around her hometown of Dublin, New Hampshire for most of 1998 to get in shape for the walk …

"On Jan. 1, 1999, she began her walk in Pasadena, California. She walked 10 miles per day for 14 months, arriving in Washington, D.C. on Feb. 29, 2000. She was hospitalized once, in Arizona, with dehydration and pneumonia. She walked 3,200 miles …

"She is five-feet tall. She wore out four sets of shoes on her long walk. When snows between Cumberland, Maryland and Washington threatened to delay her arrival in February of 2000, she cross-country skied 100 miles along the old C&O Canal tow path. She has emphysema and arthritis, both of which improved during the walk."   Source  

1917 Ernest Borgnine, Hollywood and TV actor (TV play Marty, which gained him an Academy Award for Best Actor; The Poseidon Adventure; McHale's Navy)

1918 Oral Roberts, American neo-Pentecostal televangelist and a leader in the charismatic movement. In 1987, during a fundraising drive, Roberts announced to a television audience that unless he raised $8 million by that March, God would "call him home" (a euphemism for death).

"In March 1986, Oral Roberts claimed to have spoken directly to God, and was told that he would be 'called home' (that is, die) if he was unable to raise $8 million by March 31, 1987. Of course, there was a great deal of negative discussion and derision regarding this rather enterprising (and arguably blasphemous) approach to ministry. After the deadline, having failed to die, he stated on April 1 that the 8 million dollars had been raised and his life had been spared.

"In June, 1987 Oral Roberts announced that he has raised the dead and will return after his own death to rule alongside Jesus Christ. His son, Richard Roberts, part of his ministry, stated that he had seen his father raise a child from the dead."   Source: Wikipedia

1924 Dr Catherine Hamlin, AC, Australian obstetrician and gynaecologist, the co-founder of Addis Ababa Fistula Hospital, a medical centre in Ethiopia dedicated exclusively to providing free fistula repair surgery to poor women suffering from childbirth injuries

1928 Desmond Morris, English anthropologist, writer (The Naked Ape)

1939 Ray Stevens, American country music musician and novelty singer/songwriter

1941 (Sources vary as to year) Neil Diamond, American singer-songwriter. In Australia, his album Hot August Night spent a remarkable 29 weeks at number 1 on the music charts

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1943 Sharon Tate, American actress (killed by Charles Manson's gang in 1969)

1947 Warren Zevon (d. 2003), American musician-songwriter

1948 Helen Morse, Australian actress and costume designer who has appeared in films, on television, and on stage

1949 John Belushi (d. 1982), American comedian, actor and musician

 

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January

16 Appreciate a Dragon Day
16 Elementary School Teachers Day
17 Ditch Your New Year's Resolution Day
17 St Anthony's Day
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18 Thesaurus Day
18 Metric System Day
19 Whisper "I Love You" Day
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25 Compliment Day
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27 Chocolate Cake Day
27 Fun At Work Day
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28 Daisy Day
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28 International Make Your Point Day
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28 Celtic Festival (Florida, USA)
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29 Puzzle Day
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29 Kansas Day
29 Freethinkers' Day
29 Oyster Festival (South Carolina, USA)
30 Jazz Day
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1 Freedom Day
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2 Groundhog Day
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2 Imbolc
2 Candlemas

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41 CE Rome's notorious emperor, Caligula (b. 12 CE), known for his eccentricity and cruel despotism, was assassinated by Cassius Charea, captain of the disgruntled Praetorian Guards, apparently because of one too many insults by the cruel emperor, rather than any political consideration. In his day, Cassius Charea was a famous Roman officer, having led 80 survivors back from the massacre of the three legions in the Teutorberger forest in Germany. He was executed under Roman military law.

"The conspiracy that ended Gaius's life was hatched among the officers of the Praetorian Guard, apparently for purely personal reasons. It appears also to have had the support of some senators and an imperial freedman. As with conspiracies in general, there are suspicions that the plot was more broad-based than the sources intimate, and it may even have enjoyed the support of the next emperor Claudius, but these propositions are not provable on available evidence. On 24 January A.D. 41 the praetorian tribune Cassius Chaerea and other guardsmen caught Gaius alone in a secluded palace corridor and cut him down. He was 28 years old and had ruled three years and ten months."   Source

1236 King Henry III of England married Eleanor of Provence.

1458 Matthias I Corvinus became king of Hungary.

1616 Dutch navigator Willem Schouten (1567? - 1625) rounded Cape Horn which he named after his birthplace, Hoorn, in Holland.

1639 American settlers in Hartford, Connecticut, adopted a constitution, the first in America. The body of laws was called the Fundamental Orders of Connecticut.

1679 King Charles II of England disbanded Parliament.

1742 Charles VII Albert became Holy Roman Emperor.

1788 Captain Arthur Phillip's fleet (the First Fleet), carrying the first shipment of British convicts to the new land of Australia, sailed to Botany Bay after having sailed into Port Jackson (Sydney Harbour) and Manly Cove the day before. (See January 26 for more.)

1788 The French explorer Jean-François de Galaup, count de La Pérouse (La Perouse) arrived off Botany Bay (in what became known about 30 years later as 'Australia'), six days after Arthur Phillip's fleet had run up the flag in the name of Britain. (Captain James Cook had claimed the continent for Britain in 1770.)

My brother, John William Wilson (who has written a national prize-winning radio play on this subject), writes:

Sent by France's King Louis XVI, La Pérouse was instructed to observe the settlement of Arthur Phillip's fleet (the 'First Fleet') at Botany Bay. In accord with the then popular Rousseauian ideal of the 'noble savage', there were aboard La Pérouse's ship a number of scientists and intellectuals who wanted to treat the natives they came upon in such a way as to learn from their state of natural being. La Pérouse, however, was more gung-ho and not averse to showing weapons to the native people. There was thus conflict on board ship. Apparently this voyage was a pet project of the king, and an apocryphal version of his last words, on the scaffold, were "At least, is there any news of La Pérouse?", who had been missing at sea for years.

At Vanikoro there was evidence of a number of shipwrecked sailors having lived there for years, and a ship arrived there decades after La Pérouse's disappearance, but the inhabitants had left by a longboat just a fortnight before. A longboat was found in the last 15 years or so on the Queensland coast, and there is speculation that it might have belonged to La Pérouse, who one might conjecture might have been heading for Australia, specifically Botany Bay, where he knew there was a European colony.

 

1848 California gold rush: James W Marshall discovered gold at Sutter's Mill near Sacramento on the American River in northern California, which at the time had just 14,000 inhabitants. By the end of the next year, 80,000 prospectors had travelled to California. Between 1849 and 1852, the population of San Francisco grew from about 700 to about 100,000, 90 per cent of it male.

"Just when we had got partly to work ... Mr Marshall with his old wool hat in hand ... exclaimed, 'Boys, I have got her now,'" James S Brown recalled:

I … jumped from the pit and stepped to him, and on looking in his hat discovered say ten or twelve pieces of small scales of what proved to be gold. I picked up the largest piece, worth about fifty cents, and tested it with my teeth, and as it did not give, I held it aloft and exclaimed, "gold, boys, gold!" At that they all dropped their tools and gathered around.

James Stephens Brown,
California Gold; An Authentic History of the First Find, p. 120,
'California As I Saw It: First-Person Narratives, 1849-1900'

James lost out
So many prospectors squatted on the land on which James Marshall made his find, that the property's owner was left with nothing. He was, however, granted a pension by the Legislature of California.

 

1857 The University of Calcutta was founded.

1859 Wallachia and Moldavia were united under Alexander John Cuza under the name Romania (see December 1, 1918, or the final unification. Transylvania and other regions were still missing at this time).

1888 Jacob L Wortman patented the typewriter ribbon.

1897 The Yellow Kid, the first newspaper comic strip, appeared.

1908 The world's first Boy Scout troop was organized in England by Sir Robert Baden-Powell.

1911 Shusui Denjiro Kotoku (b. 1871) and 11 other anarchists were hanged for a plot on the Japanese emperor's life. Kotoku was a journalist and writer, one of the most outstanding figures of Japanese anarchism. Among the hanged was his partner Yugetsu Sugo Kanno.

Kotoku founded, with Toshihito Sakai, the journal Heimin Shimbun ('The Plebe'). In prison, for writing articles against the Russo-Japanese War, he discovered the works of Kropotkin. Freed in 1905, he visited the US, then returned to Japan to restart his paper and translate Kropotkin's works. He was active in organizing the trade union movement before being arrested on January 18, 1911, with 24 others for the plot on the emperor. Kotoku wrote Imperialism, Monster of the Twentieth Century, The Gasoline of Socialism, and other books and articles.

Source: The Daily Bleed

The Anarchist Movement in Japan   Japanese Anarchism Bibliography

1915 Battle of Dogger Bank (1915): The British fleet was victorious over the Germans at Dogger Bank.

1916 In Brushaber v. Union Pacific Railroad, the Supreme Court of the United States declared the federal income tax void.

1916 Conscription was introduced in Britain.

1922 Christian K Nelson patented the Eskimo Pie, the world's first chocolate-coated ice cream on a stick.

1924 St Petersburg, Russia was renamed Leningrad.

1929 Popeye met Olive Oyl in Elzie Segar's Thimble Theater comic strip.   More at Jan 17

Popeye at Toonopedia

1935 Canned beer was sold for the first time, in Richmond, Virginia, USA.

1943 World War II: Franklin D Roosevelt and Winston Churchill concluded a conference in Casablanca.

1961 USA: A B-52 bomber broke up in mid-air, releasing two 24-megaton nuclear bombs.

1962 Brian Epstein signed to manage The Beatles.

Epstein 'Wanted Beatles Fortune'
"The book [Beatles Anthology] also claims Beatles manager Brian Epstein asked the band to sign away all future earning for a guaranteed weekly wage for life.

"'He once tried to get us to sign a deal saying he would guarantee us $75 a week forever and he would keep the rest,' said Harrison.

"The deal would have made them just $160,000 each to date rather than the millions they actually earned.

"Epstein hoped to pocket the rest of the cash for himself for guiding the group to stardom, the band claims in the book.

"'We thought, "No we'll risk, Brian. We'll risk earning a bit more than 50 pounds ($75) a week,"' said Harrison."   Source

1970 It was announced that John Lennon and Yoko Ono had shaven their heads to commemorate the start of 'Year One for Peace'.

Wilson's Almanac Book of Days hip list

 

Shoichi Yokoi's hole-home in 1972

 

 

1972 Shoichi Yokoi (March 31, 1915 - September 22, 1997), a Japanese soldier, was discovered on Guam. He had gone into hiding on the Pacific island in 1944, when Douglas MacArthur's army liberated the island. Yokoi was a tailor before the war, and the pants and shirt he was wearing in 1972 were made of local fibres (hibiscus bark) that he wove and cut himself, using a pair of scissors, one of very few wartime items with he had survived. Yokoi arrived on Guam from Manchuria in February 1943. He had known for twenty years that the war was over, but for some reason he was afraid to come out of hiding.

More at Guam Government website

Yokoi Obituary (CNN)

1975 Dr Donald Coggan was enthroned as Archbishop of Canterbury.

1978 A Russian satellite crashed near Yellowknife, Canada.

1986 Voyager 2 passed within 81,560 km (50,679 mi) of Uranus.

1987 Terry Waite, the envoy of the Archbishop of Canterbury, was kidnapped in Beirut while on a mission to negotiate the release of other hostages held captive by Muslim extremists. He was held in captivity for 1,763 days.

Terry Waite on Islamist fundamentalists

1989 Ted Bundy, shortly before his Florida execution in the electric chair, admitted to the murders of a further 19 women beyond the three for which he was convicted.

2002 Enron Congressional hearings began.

2002 USA: "Terrorist" suspect John Walker Lindh's hearing began.

 

2003 The new United States Department of Homeland Security officially began operation – the largest US government reorganization since the creation of the Department of Defense in 1947. Remarkably, a compliant Senate had passed the bill 90-9 on the previous November 19.

The US Government, apparently without any sense of embarrassment or irony, chose as a logo for the gigantic Orwellian institution an image of an eye peering through our keyhole.  

We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver?
Jay Leno

More Homeland Security jokes

Terror alerts! from Wilson's Almanac

President Bush announces his Global Peace Imaginatorium

Myths of the 'war on terrorism' and Iraq    Text of President Bush's leaflet dropped over Iraq

Flash show: The facts on Saddam Hussein, America's puppet

Lots of stuff on Homeland Security at InfoClearinghouse

 

2004 Britain's Daily Telegraph reported on the find of a 'baby dragon'. It was, of course, a cute hoax. An author, Allistair Mitchell, was so desperate to get his fantasy book published that he had a dragon made by model makers Crawley Creatures.

 

A baby dragon, or a bad joke?

By Roger Highfield, Science Editor

"A pickled 'dragon' that looks as if it might once have flown around Hogwarts has been found in a garage in Oxfordshire.

"Yesterday the baby dragon, in a sealed 30 [inch] jar, was in the office of Allistair Mitchell, who runs a marketing company in Oxford. He was asked to investigate by his friend, David Hart, from Sutton Courtenay, who discovered it.

"A metal tin found with the dragon contained paperwork in old-fashioned German of the 1890s. Mr Mitchell speculates that German scientists may have attempted to use the dragon to hoax their English counterparts in the 1890s, when rivalry between the countries was intense.

"'At the time, scientists were the equivalent of today's pop stars. It would have been a great propaganda coup for the Germans if it had come off.

"'I've shown the photos to someone from Oxford University and he thought it was amazing. Obviously he could not say if it was real and wanted to do a biopsy.'

"The documents suggest that the Natural History Museum turned the dragon away, possibly because they suspected it was a trick, and sent it to be destroyed. But it appears a porter intercepted the jar and took it home. The papers suggest the porter may have been Frederick Hart – David Hart's grandfather.

"Mr Mitchell said: 'The dragon is flawless, from the tiny teeth to the umbilical cord. It could be made from indiarubber, because Germany was the world's leading manufacturer of it at the time, or it could be made of wax. It has to be fake. No one has ever proved scientifically that dragons exist. But everyone who sees it immediately asks, "Is it real?"'

Yesterday the Natural History Museum said that it was interested in following up the find ..."
Source: Telegraph UK

Little 'sleeping dragon' found

 

2009 Death of Dr Fred Schwarz (b. 1915), influential Australian political activist against Marxism-Leninism

 

Tomorrow: Ruth Pierce dropped dead

 

 Main calendar | Yesterday | Tomorrow | Search

 

 

Homeland Security

"Homeland Security has warned of possible summer attacks by Al Qaeda. And it must be pretty serious because President Bush has already ignored three memos about this." —David Letterman

"Our top story, in 'Threat Matrix Reloaded' news ... Attorney General John Ashcroft and FBI Director Robert Muller held a press conference today to announce that Al Qaeda is planning attacks somewhere inside the United States at sometime in the future. So go about your normal lives, but with a vague sense of foreboding." —Craig Kilborn 

"Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control." —Jay Leno

"Why does listening to John Ashcroft make me feel like the world has already ended? If we're going to be warned about terrorism, can't it be by someone who actually makes us want to live?" —Jon Stewart, on Ashcroft's announcement that America's terror alert level had been raised from yellow to orange

"Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker." —David Letterman

"It's been reported that the FBI is visiting libraries nationwide and checking the reading records of people it finds suspicious. When asked about it, President Bush said 'I've always been suspicious of people who go to libraries." —Conan O'Brien

"According to USA Today, President Bush was very annoyed with Attorney General John Ashcroft for overstating the danger of that dirty bomb incident, like today when Ashcroft called it the biggest threat to America since those naked statues." —Jay Leno

"This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well." —Jay Leno

"President Bush has given the FBI sweeping new powers. For the first time they will be allowed now to have surveillance in churches. That has got to be the priests' worst nightmare." —Jay Leno

"Congressional leaders announced today that they will not give a quick rubber stamp to President Bush's homeland security plan. It needs more work. See this is what I love about Washington? If you want a plan to protect our country it takes, what? Months? Years? But if you're a terrorists at a flight school you can get a visa in two weeks." —Jay Leno

"The INS has just approved two of the dead terrorists visas. They applied for the visas eight months ago. It was just approved. The reason it took so long was, the INS had to do a thorough background check first, just to be sure. What the hell do you have to do to get denied a visa in this country? ...Today the government said they found the employees responsible and have had them removed from the INS. They have been transferred to airline security." —Jay Leno

"Tom Ridge has set up a five-stage, color-coded system to warn Americans against threats. The colors are green, blue, yellow, orange and red. This is what the Republicans meant when they said they are trying to get more color in the party...This thing is so confusing. Yesterday the alert went from blue to pink; now half the country thinks we're pregnant." —Jay Leno

"Tom Ridge announced a new color-coded alarm system. ... Green means everything's okay. Red means we're in extreme danger. And champagne-fuschia means we're being attacked by Martha Stewart." —Conan O'Brien

"The Justice Department announced plans this week for a new color-coded alert system with green for the most relaxed and red as the most serious warning. ... Strom Thurmond was visibly enthused about the plan, saying, 'A colored alert system? I've been waiting for one of them for years.'" —Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime." —David Letterman

"President Bush revealed today there is a shadow government run by people who live outside of Washington in bunkers in case Washington was ever attacked. I thought the shadow government was the one Enron bought with all those contributions." —Jay Leno

"It was revealed this week that a shadow government of seventy-five senior officials has been living and working in secret bunkers in the event that the nation's capital is attacked. This is not to be confused with the pretend government that Al Gore has been running in his basement for the last year." —Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent." —Daily Show host Jon Stewart

"It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went through with a weapon, the metal detectors accidentally went off." —Jay Leno

"The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to the travels, they want to make it easier for us. They're instructing security guards to glance at your luggage tags so that they can call you by your first name. Isn't that creepy? The guy touching your wife, calling her by her first name." —Jay Leno

"On Thursday, a passenger forced his way into the cockpit of a United Airlines flight from Miami, but was subdued after the co-pilot hit him with a small ax. Good to see our airlines are being kept secure by the latest in 12th century technology." —Dennis Miller

"Gary Condit is on the Congressional committee for Homeland Security. They make the guy responsible for Homeland Security who is the guy no one would feel secure going home with." —Jay Leno

"I flew this past weekend. I went through airport security and said to the guy, 'Is everything okay?' He said, 'You might want to have that mole on your ass checked out.' That seems a little personal to me." —Jay Leno

"I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad." —David Letterman

"A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I think he's going a little overboard. Today, he arrested the entire band Foreigner." —Jay Leno

"On Monday, Attorney General John Ashcroft issued a terrorism warning, asking all Americans to be on the high alert this week. Then on Friday, he announced that the period of high alert would be extended indefinitely. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, 'Bitch, I can't be any more alert than I already am. Okay?' I'm opening my mail with salad tongs. I take my passport in the shower with me. I am watching so much CNN, I am having sex dreams about Wolf Blitzer." —Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Attorney General John Ashcroft said there is a new credible terrorist threat. He said everything is under control; not to panic. And then he went back to his hermetically sealed bunker." —Jay Leno

"People want to say there isn't racial profiling at the airport, but let's be honest. If you first name is Mohammed, and your last name isn't Ali, leave a little extra time." —Jay Leno

"Who has been appointed as one of the key people in the Congressional committee on homeland security? Gary Condit. That makes sense. The CIA says if we are going to investigate the scum of the earth, we are going to need lowlifes and degenerates to go in for us." —Jay Leno

Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman; read more

 

Brace yourself for worst day of the year

LONDON (Reuters) - "Be warned. Today is going to be the most depressing day of the year.

"By using a complex mathematical formula, psychologist Cliff Arnalls has calculated the misery is about to peak in four days' time.

"Fading memories of Christmas, mounting festive debts, foul weather, failed New Year resolutions and the long, dark nights create the perfect mix for gloom, says the Cardiff University expert who specialises in seasonal disorders."

Source

Wikipedia and David Brown's prodigious Daily Bleed are both excellent resources that aid my research.
I frequently make use of their generously liberal 'fair use', 'copyleft' and 'anti-copyright' policies, with much gratitude.
© My own copyright policy is also liberal, but as this is my livelihood, conditions apply.

Read more about today at Wilson's Blogmanac